Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Pharoah's Lesson

My Husband, my girlfriends, now our manager, all have noticed my arms and my losing weight. And it's not really been that important bc I am one of those types of women (one of those types of women) where it comes and it goes. When I'm happy it comes, when I'm not, it goes. But in this new light. In this new way of thinking (how could Husband buy me more diamonds when I don't wear the jewelry I have) this chakra-curious? way of thinking (if I can only focus my white light on that white light maybe then I can get the reason of standing on my head) this half open window way of thinking (every time I punch the air and feel the muscles in my arms actually rip it awakens me-wild, I know!) this ever changing me (let go of sad childhood, attend) will be okay, better than ok, will be enough.

So but it's interesting to me why I always cut my hair, dye it dye it dye it again, why I always tan, no tan, tan, makeup weird David Bowie makeup, no makeup, in out in out foolish greetings. How would you not, how could you, disappearing. Pharaoh's lesson. Why do everything the hard way? Ulysses and Penelope. Allowances. I love me more, walking greeting.


And then, of course, this gets me by:

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm racing uptown to find you

In hell, Marc Chagall

Bay of Angels, Marc Chagall

Me and my kicks. I'm really looking forward to France. So many memories there.

In much lighter news, I'm taking a class called, no joke, "Chakra-curious?" God, I love the hippies!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Supernatural Superserious

Our badical Wilco poster for our bathroom (get it, bc it has an Octopus...)

Our lives have hit a milestone. The bathroom is finished!! Hubs is one amazing dude the way he got up so early Saturday morning and tackled that shiz. Done! A few hilarious mishaps here and there (albeit wet, it was quite funny to watch two tubes of water spray out intensely fast and spill water all over the new floor and how he kept flushing the toilet with an "I.made.thetoilet!) but you know. So now our boring lives consist of Spanish lessons (me) and golf lessons (him), GTAIV (him) and finding the perfect orchid (me), framing our ultimate Wilco poster (me) and building a rock wall (him). A flurry of this that and the other. I am looking forward to more sunny weather.

Two new things I love: new REM and Cloverfield. Wow. Both are so great. "At the summer camp where you volunteer//no one saw your face no one saw your fear" and Cloverfield. Holy wow. I would never recommend for the faint of heart, 9-11 survivors, or people who get motion sick easily but it had me up and down screaming and yelling like all best horror movies do. Highly recommended.

Say a little prayer for my friends. They lost their baby at 2 months. My heart goes out.

Long Monday is almost over.

Friday, April 25, 2008

It's just a spring clean for the May Queen

A gentle Knight was pricking on the plaine,
Y cladd in mightie armes and siluer shielde,
Wherein old dints of deepe wounds did remaine,
The cruell markes of many' a bloudy fielde;
Yet armes till that time did he neuer wield:
But on his brest a bloudie Crosse he bore,
The deare remembrance of his dying Lord,
For whose sweete sake that glorious badge he wore,
And dead as liuing euer him ador'd:

Ah Fae Queen, I see. Ah Edmund Spenser, I know.

Eve Incurs God's Displeasure, Marc Chagall

You are beautiful.

From the half open window.

You are beautiful.

In light of all this humor, how can one not believe?

Monday, April 21, 2008

On Peter Pan

Meanwhile, somewhere in Belgium...

Ah the signs of aging are surely upon us. I missed 4-20. It completely slipped by me. I've never been much for stoning but 4-20, I mean come on. It's just pure comedy. Anyway. It must be the pollen. I've not felt so alive the last few days. I think I'll go workout at lunch to get the blood flowing. Must have been equal parts of not enough flaxseed at breakfast and who the hell eats flaxseed at breakfast?

Bathroom now has a vanity, counter, and sink attached! Next up is more trim and the toilet. Praise be, we might have a working bathroom by Friday. Hubs and I already farkled for who gets to use it first. I offered him a best 2/3 but he refused, so confident, so cocky. I won the first round (by cheating of course) with dynamite. Then I knew he was a rock man. So I came out full rock force and blew his scissors away. It was a sweet sweet Pyhrric victory because he'll probably just use it when I'm not looking. Doh!

Slept really well last night. Getting back into it. Mom is coming Tuesday and we're building my rock wall garden bed. Or something. Hubs and mom are paired on this one so there's not much I can do, plus what dummy turns down volunteer work to build a rock wall? Not me! Few pallets of rock and dirt later...

Another girlfriend is pregnant. My monthly chart said I'd have a hard time with this. That this is the time of year I always think about children. I mean, it is Spring. I don't know so much that I'll have a hard time with that so much as I have a hard time mourning the loss of my own childhood, growing up, yada ya. That we're not the spring pups we once were. And that's fine. It's just so hard when you're expected to cram so much living into your first 30 years and then sometimes you do and sometimes you don't. I was glad we got to celebrate Edwin's birthday on Saturday. Peel em' eat 'em shrimp and crablegs! I can think of a worse way to shed the pallor of youth. It's still so bizarre though. Metaphysical even. At what point do you give it up for the old cock's crow?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Wear your love like Heaven

It's a good thing I have access to good music. And Scrabble. There's only so many pregnant diabetics, colostomy bags shrinking stoma, banging my head against a brick wall gets me further ahead than dealing with Arkansas Medicaid kind of days you can have in 1 week. This week takes cake!

So here's a gift to myself. If you don't know these songs, please rush out and steal them from some unsuspecting online community.

Red Right Ankle, The Decemberists

This is the story of your red right ankle
And how it came to meet your leg
And how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled
And how the skin was softly shed

And how it whispered “Oh, adhere to me
For we are bound by symmetry
And whatever differences our lives have been
We together make a limb.”
This is the story of your red right ankle.

This is the story of your gypsy uncle
You never knew ‘cause he was dead
And how his face was carved and rift with wrinkles
In the picture in your head.

And remember how you found the key
To his hide-out in the Pyrenees
But you wanted to keep his secret safe
So you threw the key away.
This is the story of your gypsy uncle.

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet, some were cold and snuffed you
And some just laid around in bed.

Some had crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some had crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you
This is the story of your red right ankle.

Easy to Be Around, Diane Cluck (PS Lovell, one day you will love her like you love me m'k?)

i was in the coal mine picking up diamonds
that the miners had left behind, behind, behind
and i admired their cold shine
simple & bright
and i pocketed many in the cavernous night
clear, when held up to the light

you belong to no one
you are easy to be around
cuz you belong to no one
you are easy to be around
cuz you belong to no one
you are easy to be around

and i scattered them on the ground...

in the wake of your eyes it decays
you despise any weight
and because and because
and because you give it up
you are easy to be around
i like to walk beside you
y're so easy to be around
it's like i'm not even walking beside you
we are rolling along the ground
one shadow made of mercury
we were two till we melted down
now y're easy to be around

y're easy to be around...

i was in the coal mine picking up diamonds
so heavy i had to leave them all behind
coming up from the mineshaft
sparkling bright
see me laughing having nothing in an infinite night
clear, and dangling in the light

same as what you came with
makes you easy to be around
cuz the door remains the same width
y're so easy to be around
both forgetting what our name is
in a dance as the sun goes down

you are easy to be around
y're easy to be around
y're easy to be around
y're easy to be around

Fast Food Homages, I need a contract over here!

Ode to Wendy's Chili

Oh my lunchtime friend of yore
How I delight in your never empty bowl.
How I crave, scratch, need your delish
attempt to make the world a happy place.

Lady who put a finger in you to scam on your might,
Others who dismiss you on value menus at night,
my dear chili, stress it not--
thine shall always be a full pot--
and I will always find a way
to eat you while driving and flip people off.

-By Sully Wilson, 2008 copyrighted n'shiz

Yum yum yum!!!

Thursday, April 17, 2008


How do you sleep?

As Husband will often point out, I snore, talk, and "comment dit-on Pass Gas?" in my sleep. Haha. Well back at ya. It is the running joke because we both do it. We're both big sleep talkers, sleep walkers, all of the above. And it's funny. It's a good signifier of our relationship. Happy times in beddy times. Apparently it runs in both our families.

And so, how do you dream?

I nightly have a bad dream. One where I wake to make Hubs spoon me, I'm so afraid. And of what, I rarely remember. I dream about work. I dream about the past (and I always make the same mistakes). I dream about old lovers (never illicitly) and about strangers (always illicitly). I talk a lot in my dreams (ha big surprise). Lately, they take place in exotic restaurants and houses I'm sure I've never been in. I constantly finding myself needing to drive in a dream and realizing I'm just horrible at it (quiet peanut gallery).

There was a long point in time where Mario (from Nintendo fame) was a huge character in my dreams. I never told anyone that before now. It never seemed appropriate and always a little weird. I'm constantly getting into fights with my best friends in my dreams and then I wake up terrified I've actually said the things I said or acted how I acted. I find great discomfort letting people know they were in my dreams. I rarely dream about my family or my husband or my pets.

Why do you dream that way?

Since I was a teenager, when it was very teenagery to be, I was fascinated, captured by dream interpretation. I understand it much better now than I ever have although I haven't read any interpretation or Jung books in years. In dreams, in neutral territory, you can have what is normally just out of reach. You just have to figure out how. And that's the great humanistic allegory. I guess. It's really no matter. It's just how you miss dreams when you aren't having them.

I'm waking up to us

I can't sleep at night lately. And it's disturbing me. And when I do sleep, I dream about work. Huh.

Got these planted yesterday:

Confederate, or Star, Jasmine

And these Tropicana climbing roses that are going to look smack-out with my American Beauties (although I think the proper spelling would be Beautys).

Anyway things are coming along. Now I can get Hubs to plan less and work more on my flowerbed we would have some real stories to tell. I guess I should let him finish the bathroom first. But I can help! I'm stronger now!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Do you remember when you saw her last?

Anyone who truly knows me, has ever been close or dated me knows I am a perfume fanatic. I may leave the house without makeup, good shoes, clothes even, but I never go anywhere without putting on perfume. It's my truly girly thing. I love it. I love most all perfumes but, of course, have a few favs.

One of my favorite favorite perfumes in the world is violets. When I used to travel to France fairly regularly, I bought a bottle every time. I know exactly where in Paris, Arles, Nice, and Strasbourg I can find it. But I haven't been to Paris in years and so, sadly, I've been out of my violet for years. I keep the old bottles and just came across one the other day and now my mission has started.

Hubs and I are going to Paris, London, and NYC in September, but that's September! It's so far away. I need the violets now! This gross thing is the closest thing I can find so far and if I were Dita Von Teese or had a boudoir maybe I'd feel differently. The case is not though, so I don't.

Le sigh. I'll keep looking.

I'm currently rotating FlowerBomb, Sweet Pea, Grapefruit and Orange Jasmine, and Irish seaweed (smells better than it sounds and makes my skin AWESOME!). But again violet. Le sigh violet.

Friday, April 11, 2008

the home of online emotion

So I was looking for the website of my local yoga studio, Barefoot Studios, here in LR. Instead I found this, and more! Whoops!

Just shut up and give me these

Bubs has promised and things are looking up. I feel much better bc I know he'll do the right thing for us.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Birthday Beltane pt 2, a recap if you will

So apparently we forgot to take pics during the night with 1 exception. That skeletor lady is one happening girl. haha. Badminton tourny also a plus.

chaka chan

I'll tell you what, not drinking during the week can make me cranky fo sho. Not to sound that bad but it's 1:15pm CST and I need a glass of wine. And there's leftover Beltane party wine in the fridge and after I run my errands, and exercise, and shower, I'm a gonna have me a nice big ole glass of it. Pinot Grigio, my favorite.

So apparently I can't talk without hurting feelings. I can be manipulated but I can't talk about it. I need to go to California. I need to quit bitching and get that shit arranged. Go see my lovely lady lumps.

Anyway Gawd. Dramz. I think it would be a really interesting experiment for all the put-upon people in the world to volunteer a month in a nursing home. Go where families dump their "loved ones" time and time again to never come back. Where my grandmother lives, we see it all the time. Go visit with them. You want to know what lonely is. After a certain point, my grandmother could no longer communicate proper but she cries when she is sad and lonely. She laughs when we are there. It's a lovely thing that I can be so close to this grandmother that I was never close to in the first half of my life so far. In ways, I need to grow balls and express this to a certain someone who's woe is me life makes me want to lose it. But I can't. Because she's sensitive. And I'm stuck. Pissy.


In waaay better news. Beltane was amazing. It deserves its own post it was that much fun. And tiring. Whew.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

wtf? or, whatever

I second that emotion, AKA FLASHLIGHT!

Today is my 28th birthday and it's been a very long time coming. I wasn't supposed to be married before 30, and I'm married (to a wonderful Hubby). I wasn't supposed to ever live in LR again and here I am working to own a very successful medical supply business (doesn't sound that glam but I've been there, done that. Regular pay and vacation is pretty damn glam in my book). I've owned my own very successful and then not at all successful chain of retail stores. I am turning a new fitness leaf and my flexibility is coming back. I still fall in love with everyone all the time. I'm an intermediate level gardener who owns a hatchett and knows how to use it. I own a beautiful home. I hate waiting on surprises but then I secretly love them. I'm a huge Funk fan, Funk with a capital F. I've traveled the world. I will make it to India before 35. I've lived in New York and France and studied at university in both places. I have a strong spiritual self but I'm also very protective of my states's rights. I have strong family and strong friends who are constantly aweing me and being my role models. Good or bad, I'm always looking for the next thing. I'm working on turning my house into an organic one and Husband is working on turning it green. My dreams break my heart. My puppies are the funniest puppies. I love working hard and staying busy but I need my down time, my alone time. I wish I had not let go of my grandmother and could communicate with my oldest brothers. I'm so appreciative that my mother works so hard to keep our family united. My family rules. Now that I'm an adult, I love being outside. I do no like canoeing.

That pretty much sums me up so far. We'll see in a year.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Auspicious April

So did you hear about YouTube's April Fools (**where does the apostrophe go here, anyone? anyone? Bueller, Bueller?) Joke? Every video on the front page went here, what a grand choice.

April Fool's is my parent's anniversary. 25 years this year. That's pretty cool.

My birthday is tomorrow! That's pretty cool!

Birthday Beltane is Saturday. Yippers!

Hubs got me some more of my awesome perfume, Flower Bomb (Gawd who doesn't love Viktor & Rolf). It's shaped like a pink grenade! How could you not love it???!?!

And yes Husband is awesome. And no, anyone that knows me, especially him, knows I couldn't possibly wait until my actual birthday to open my present. Just like I can't wait on Christmas, Easter, Lupercalia, etc. Anywho.

We have the tile grouted! Next up, wait on the grout to dry! Then we can buy a toilet, move the vanity in, take more pictures!!!

I'm for a popular vote system and some actual campaign finance reform.