Something safe for the pictureframe?

Well isn't that just completely ironic? Start talking about Little Red Riding Hood, which actually is not in its original form a cautionary tale about sexuality, and I start my menses and probably ruin a pair of good pants. Well maybe they weren't that good but still.

I always preach the beauty of womanhood. It's mythology and differences. I accept and love my monthlies, signs to me of health and fertility. I really do love everthing about being female. Maybe that's because, awkward and awful as I was/am, I was raised to have strong well, to be headstrong. And it has made me more or less comfortable in my own skin and with who I am/was at different stages in my life.

But I escaped puberty mostly physically unscathed, awkward, but unscathed. None of the horrific acne from my father's side. None of the taunting of boys. I just wasn't that concerned or ready until much later. I had started my period and adolescence physically much earlier, years earlier, than everyone I knew so I guess I was used to it. Awkward at it, but used to it.

I never stained my pants. Now simple and, no duh, as that may seem, it is actually a pretty big deal in girldom to have escaped Junior High and High School without having ever leaked your period
bad enough to stain your pants. I have very vivid memories of the girl walking down the hall in the white shorts with the bright red stain. Mortifying for everyone involved on so many levels.

I never stained my pants until today.

I have sat and listened to the men who have come and gone and stayed in my laugh laugh riotously about sleepwalk peeing, pissing themselves when passed out, shitting themselves, shit shit and piss. And they are very funny stores told over drinks in dives and swanky places like The Capital Hotel (thanks Jake and then Hank for that one). So I guess that's the equivilent?

And you know big fucking deal, right? I am stanly built and I get it. Not life ending. Gross but not life ending. And really more annoying than gross. And definitely not life ending.

But there are some times when you feel the
Most Safe, confident in your woman's skin, and it all comes tumbling down. Worth, esteem, desirability, all because you couldn't stay stuffed. Patched up. Plugged. Sucks to be you, huh?

And by you, I ofcourse, mean me.


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mother stands for comfort

Good Good. You know I don't know what it is and I'll admit I was really distrustful, hopeful, but distrustful that you and things had really changed. I don't think I was necessarily wrong to feel that way then, like now, this one instance, you are really nice, and funny, and like how it was way back in the neverland. And that's nice. So maybe it's true. But also, maybe it's not. Maybe I can just be kind in the eyes when I see you, but I do still see you, la finta nonna.

Swarmy comes to mind. Vulture. Feeder of death and the dying. A personal definition. I'm sorry, but I just can't shake that. Like my brothers. My childhood. I am just all too knowledgeable, unfortunately.

Radio free Europe

iPhone pictures from the last forever! Revel in the quality!










































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calling all in transit, calling all in transit

People who do all they can, with what they've got, from where they are, Su-Lauren, no matter how puny their actions, how tiny their steps, or how futile it may seem, simply have more fun. Way.

Of course, to the uninitiated it doesn't appear that way. To them it appears as if only those taking gigantic leaps, who drive cars with fancy wheels, have loads of friends, perfect bodies, and fly around the world in First Class Sleeper Seats, are having fun. But what they don't realize is that we're often talking about the very same folks, just at different points in their journey.

Coffee, tea, or a brand new Bentley?
The Universe

Thanks Universe. My life is pretty dag-um awesome!

My baby love

This morning I watched The Today Show's continuing segment on the navy SEALS and it was fairly insane. Makes me very proud of our men and women who serve bc one look at that 40 foot high rope climb and Alaskan ice bath and Lord knows it couldn't be me.

Also holla English Breakfast (the red packet)!


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it's gonna happen soon, but not today

I have a new computer at work and man is it fast! See Twitter-ama for a pic.

We also have a new leaf blower SLASH leaf vacuum!! It's called Leaf Hog and it's amazing. I want to marry it. Have it's little leaf piglets. I am actually looking forward to going home and leaf hogging. Actually we do more like pine needle hogging but you know, You say Apple, I say Tomato. Right?

Dinner tonight is going to be all natural Arkansas grown pork chops, hand picked Arkansas dandelion greens (YUM. Big yum. If you like greens then you need to get your hands on some dandelion greens. Such a different taste. So good. Great with an olive oil vinaigrette and Kalamata olives. Good raw. Good.)

We're also going to brine our natural grub and grass fed chicken to roast for dinner tomorrow night. I finished The Omnivore's Dilemma and thought, you know if I feel so strongly about this, I need to practice what I preach. So this chicken came to us whole, raw, ready, and pretty actually, from a little trifecta (trifold) beast operation (read the book to know what I mean) of cattle, chicken, and pigs here in Arkansas. Near Harrison actually. Near where my family lives! Anyway. It's supposed to taste more like chicken than chicken. If this is true, I will let you know. And if it is not, I will also let you know. I do not want to pay more for food but I expect my food to be good. If I have to pay more I will. If I don't, then I won't!

So we'll see. My brine is going to be Hawaiian sea salt (muskier, earthier), lemon chunks, coriander, fresh rosemary from the garden, garlic, bay, and onion.

I am very excited. Very.

I told you, I've seen it all before

All I can think about is Rachel Maddow talking about "Bye Bye Unicorn!"



W.T.F.?

It reminds me of the horse men in Equus (Harry Potter dong anyone?)

Anyway I just can't really. Hrmm.

Is this any better?

Q Lazzarus - Goodbye Horses
Uploaded by pnkrcks. - See the latest featured music videos.

The creepiest movie evar!!!

And in other news, Chris Brown is the stupidest human ever.

Let me see you Laffy Taffy

Much to Husband's chagrin? Dismay? (I dunno), I very often dream of nudity. Full frontal, totally exposed, nudit-ay. Of him, me, our friends, family, strangers I make up in my mind, people I used to know.

Is that weird? I've done it my whole life, pretty much, and I just kind of expect it nowadays. But every now and then it surprises me. Especially when my dream characters have moments of consciousness about their nudity. I am always there to reassure them it's cool. A-ok. Feel the breeze. It's never inappropriate because it's rarely sexualized. I say rarely because I mean honestly, who can dream about all these nudie people and it not be sexual. But most of the time it's just funny. Because people at their most vulnerable is so uncomfortable you have to laugh. It's a requirement of being human. To laugh at someone else's misfortune is our caveman way of getting through the day. The "better you than me" buddy system.

But sometimes it's just funny because junk is funny. The penis. The vagina. They are funny looking. Strange alien creatures (have you seen AVATAR yet??) attached to our bodies, living, breathing basically independent of our minds/wishes.

And so often replicated in nature (or maybe the other way around):

See Voodoo Lily (Amorphophallus- the big joke in my garden club)

See Phallaceae Stinkhorn Mushrooms. Probably you'd recognize them from Little Earthquakes.

See Corpse Lily. Which, if you watch your CSI, you know people plant to hide dead bodies in their basements.

See various carnivorous plants (vagina dentata anyone?) like pitcher plants or other Nepenthes.


Aren't these great? Well, back to reading Jung and brushing up on my Latin. Agricola. Agricolae. Agricolarum. Ha! I kid!

We had my brother-in-law in town job hunting in PR so we had dinner with our friend Spencer and his gf Jenn. Spence is all up in some marketing/pr so I thought some good advice could be shared. It went well and everyone loved dinner.

I made steamed fresh, whole greenbeans with butter and sesame seeds. Turkey meatballs which are amazing (see the recipie below), and roasted new potatoes with fresh Rosemary. Dessert was mixed dried cherries from our trip to Seattle. Bing, tart, and Rainier. Awesome sauce.

Turkey meatballs:
-ground turkey 85/15 bc you need a little fat
-Ricotta cheese
-Parmesan cheese
-smidge olive oil
-seasonings to taste
-lots of yummy Fennel seeds!
-egg and crackers to stick it all together

Mash it all with your hands and make meatballs. Thirty minutes at 400 degrees! Until golden brown.

I also made some soup for my friend Amber who is embarking on some serious life changes. It's carrot, Ginger, saffron, garlic cream soup. Basically the prettiest, creamiest, tastiest soup ever.

And tonight, I get to eat it!




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Bury my heart at wounded knee // Bury my heart deep in the earth

In Seattle and loving it. You can follow my adventures by befriending me on Gowalla. It's like a treasure hunting app. I enjoy it anyway. Had so much fun with Mike and Abi and Brent and Christa last night. Thanks guys.

Is it the gray weather that makes everything in Seattle look closed or is it just that it's Sunday?

On my way to the Troll next!


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Our New Year // The latch was left unhooked

Well 2009 was interesting. Can't say I'm sorry to see it go although it was full of very good events and also some very bad events. Things seem more clear now. Maybe it's the negative wind chill arctic blast. Maybe not. Anyway, I'm glad. Relaxed.

Listening to alot of Phish as well as alot of Funkadelic again. Specifically The Story of the Ghost and Maggot Brain.

Heading to Seattle tomorrow. A Velveeta debacle (see FB and Twitter for details). Get to see Lameliar. Abi and Mike. Brent and Christa. Frequent flyer mile flying for $10 roundtrip is the way to live. Also staying in swank boutique hotels on Husband's work's dime ain't too bad either.

Interested in coming along? Only if you're spirit animal is compatible with mine...

The Octopus

Octopus live in dens, crevices on the sea floor, or holes they dig under large rocks. They are night predators and feed on crabs, sea snails, and other small fish. An adult female has a short life span approximately one to one and a half years. . There are over 100 species of these solitary eight armed animals that live on the ocean floor. They range in size from one inch up to 23 feet.

Adults lay 1000’s of eggs at a time. They watch over the eggs for several months without ever leaving the den. Exhausted by breeding and starved by the vigil over her eggs the female octopus usually dies before or shortly after the eggs hatch. In the world of the octopus the cycle of life and death is continuos. The Greeks believe the octopus represents the sacred spiral of life, always evolving and ever changing. Near death and out of body experiences are common for those with this totem giving them the skills necessary to help others transition into spirit. They make excellent hospice workers and death and dying therapists.

The agility of the octopus is surpassed by none. Since they don’t have bone attached to the muscles in their legs they can squeeze through openings no bigger than a penny. If the octopus loses an arm it will regrow another one. Flexibility and regeneration are some of its teachings. The study and practice of Yoga would be an excellent therapy for those with this medicine.

The most unusual feature of the octopus is its 3 hearts. One heart pumps blood through the body and the other two-pump blood through the gills. This attributes to their constant high blood pressure. Octopus blood is blue and a poor carrier of oxygen. The rare condition known as a blue baby is associated with octopus medicine. Because of these physiological oddities the octopus has poor stamina and an inability to struggle offensively or defensively for very long. Heart conditions are common in those with this medicine so caution is advised.

These unique creatures of the sea have excellent eyesight but cannot hear. They are believed to be the most intelligent of all invertebrates. Those with this medicine are clairvoyant at birth but have difficulty hearing or responding to the voice within no matter how hard they try. When octopus swims into your life it is asking you to let go of your inefficiencies, stop trying so hard and focus on fine tuning the skills that are naturally yours.

Octopuses are experts in the art of camouflage and teach us how to utilize this skill for our own benefit. These fascinating creatures can change colors to mirror their surroundings and alter their skin texture to match the texture of sand, rocks or other surfaces they are on. They also squirt black ink into the water clouding a predator’s visibility so they can escape unharmed. The octopus is a powerful totem to have. By following its lead we learn how to move through life safely, securely and without struggles.

Can you hear me?