Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Come on home, the poppies are all grown knee-deep by now

Husband is back to me. I sure did miss him in November. Friends I know are coming home for the December rush but I'll probably or definitely miss them. I'm gone so much in December, places much colder with frosted silver metal, and places much warmer with red rocks and desert sun. Being home makes me wish everyone would move back, come home. The women and the men we're all growing into. I do love seeing everyone.

Although, as became finally concrete with Jon Krakauer's Into the Wild, boys must do those things that make them "good men". They must be in rock bands and tour, they must move to big cities, have San Franciscan gallery shows, become pilgrims in their own minds. My friend Lameliar coined this "the empty threat." The threat that it's ok to become a truck driver for the experience, move to the Antarctic, backpack Europe in circles endlessly, teach English in Manilla, move in with Navajo ancestors, all for the experience, no matter how lonely he becomes or who he leaves behind.

And although, as has become concrete in countless Naomi Wolfe essays, late night porch talks, and Tionna's advice columns, women can't have empty threats, and we know it. And deep down inside, I'm trying to figure out if it upsets us as a whole sex. Whatever is innately there, to settle, to nest, is there. Yes, I know women who have been gone a long, long time but, who I have no doubt, will eventually return bc it's just not a good thing to be that far away from home. Or women who move bc their husbands move, without/with asking, and they have no choice, but they make it their home.

And I've lived a lot of places, but mostly it's home, and although I can travel wherever I want and this option works much better for me in the longrun, it's not like I ever really had much choice in the cards I was given. It was always left up to the men to go, seek fortune, hopefully return. When husband's band, back before he was husband, were playing and talking touring, extensive touring, we, the girlfriends, the wives, were never even included in the plans of coming along. Or even meeting up! It was just known that we stayed, made the home. The best way I heard it, "We weren't asked to give up our dreams of working so that they could have their dreams of playing."

Anyway, there's no bitterness involved. My girlfriends I've spoken to on the topic honestly just accept their post, to speak, and move on. But still.

And still, I take a lot of pride in knowing how well I've made our home.

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