Wednesday, November 28, 2007

to the sea of frozen words

Believe me, I'm still angry. Foot stomping cussing angry. And I know it's just my turn, my stage of grief. And I know I'll get over it. Forgiveness is my thing. Life's too short and all that. Forgiveness got me married. And if I can forgive myself, there's not anyone else in the world that I can't forgive. And that time will come but for now this woman has had me so upset for a month straight that I've given myself IBS or some crazy bowel shit (ha, literally). A part of my body I've always taken such strange pride in being healthy. I'm dropping weight like flies.

I can't eat without getting sick. I can't drink nothing without getting sick. I can't lie down, I can't sit upright. I can't slouch. Tums are my new candy. Pepto, my new milkshake. I can't cry about it I'm so damn angry but I can sure throwup, everywhere. And all it is is my anger. This rage I have at wanting this woman to leave well enough alone and just quit, stop, end. And she won't or she says she will but I don't believe her. And it's literally eating me alive. I'm so sick but I still can't cry.

I don't want to live anymore life curled up in a damn ball.

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