a heaven so clear, an earth so calm

Upon some advice (that I think is grand), here's my list of come what may, but you don't have the balls, otherwise known as, getting a few things off my chest that I'm tired of hearing:

Write that 1st novel, write anything for that matter, and get it published. I know it's not easy but it could also be that you're not that good a writer. I have Michael Chabon's email if you need confirmation.

Move to Thailand and live like "The Beach." Please. Really?

Be a model in Paris. Nonono.

Be a National Geographic photographer. I swear if I hear another average Joe say this I will scream.

Shoot music videos (this is my own).

Quit caffeine. You can't and even if you could, I don't really care. I act like I do, but I don't.

Be a forensic scientist like those guys on CSI.

The government is tapping our phones, they are poisoning us with flouride in the drinking water, they are zapping our brains with subliminal messages through Google Earth, yes of course they are. I know George W. is stupid and evil. Thanks.

Having more than 3 children is wrong because of overpopulation. I understand, and don't necessarily agree, but you said it before. I heard you the first time. I hear you everytime.

Welfare is bad. For all the same reasons as above because you don't like your job in the public system. Quit your job and move into the private sector, please. We all pay taxes whether you like it or not. You could move or vote. Those things help too I hear. And not just voting for President, although that's a huge stride. I'll admit.

Make fun of Republicans. (me) They are people too (but only partially).

Own your own racism. (seemingly everyone I know including me right now). I still laugh from overhearing an angry woman yell "You're just a damn mulatto" because it was funny. No, it's not right to be racist. But we all are to a degree be it skin color, homophobia, religious preference, etc. Cope.

Sarah Silverman is funny at times but she's not that groundbreaking. Unless a girl saying dirty things is groundbreaking?

Tell me you don't understand why Muslims hate us. Or why Christians are so evil. Just say fundamentalists next time please. It riles me a little less.

Being poor is romantic. No, it's awful. And hard. And unfair to your family.

I like donating to charity. It makes me feel better for hating to volunteer. I'm okay with this. Please stop telling me I'm wasting my money because of A, B, or C.

this has been a long time coming and it feels nice. By you I of course mean me. A hearty thanks to lameliar for my inspiration.